LEARNING is an
interesting prospect here on earth. We don’t learn willingly unless we are
convinced by ourselves — or, for the Christian, by the Holy Spirit.
One of my
mentors is in his seventies. He discipled me to faith twenty-five years ago. I
hadn’t seen him in nearly twenty-three of those years. We have been catching up
three monthly for over two years. Every time I leave his presence I’m filled to
overflowing with God’s spiritual wisdom.
What I value
most about this aging pastor — now a pastor of pastors — is his experience of
experience. We talked mainly about reconciliation, the Spirit’s conviction in a
person, forgiveness, and faithfulness, amongst other things. (It’s amazing the
content that can be crammed into an hour-and-a-half.)
1.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
There is a
latent time between processing a hurt in the head compared with processing it
in the heart. We know we are commanded by Jesus to forgive, so we do so, at a
head or cognitive level; many times over. But the feelings don’t subside easily
or anywhere near that quickly. We can be excused for thinking there’s something
wrong with us. Why are we so ‘disobedient’? Why is it so hard?
The distance
between a hurt’s processing is between the head and the heart. And grace more
than adequately covers the in-between time. We submit our will to forgive a
person or situation and God honours it through his grace. It’s all we can do. And
though the miracle hasn’t yet been transacted, we are assured by God that we
are under his blessing.
So the long
meandering road winding between the head and the heart is called ‘grace’. We
are to experience God’s grace when we don’t feel like forgiving someone.
Or, another way
of thinking about this is, the heart warms slowly to what the head has already
agreed to as to the decision. This will explain why we feel something in our
gut or in our chest or as tension in the body, yet we might still ask, “Why is
this still affecting me?”
The more we felt
for a person or the situation, the longer it will take for our heart to forgive
them. The more it matters, the more time and space we need to allow our hearts
to heal.
2.
What’s Bigger –
the Hurt or the Hearing?
What is God
saying — in our circumstance? Are we able to hear him in our hurts? Or does the
hurt still bear too large? Honesty is the key. The moment we find ourselves
answering, “My hurt is too big for my hearing, Lord,” or, “I cannot hear you,
Lord,” is often the moment God breaks
through and invites us, afresh, to surrender to his healing Presence.
Our prayer
should be to hear God’s still and small voice above the hurt. That way we may
need to consider quietening our hurt down a little, at least during the time of
our prayer.
3.
Getting Back
Onto God’s Timeframe
God is doing
miracles, but only on his timeframe. One situation can take five years to
reconcile. Another, it’s done almost immediately. On another, it’s thirteen
years and we are still waiting.
But God’s time
is eternity.
As we get older
and we realise that conflict abounds everywhere, and when we realise we all
feel wronged, we realise that the only timeframe that’s important is God’s.
Then his patience becomes us. Then we realise the healing that can come from attending
to our own wrong.
4.
Conviction or
Condemnation
A person who we
have a grievance with is either going to hear from God’s Spirit or from God’s
enemy.
If they hear
from God’s Spirit they’ll be convicted to make right what has been done wrong.
If they hear from God’s enemy, on the other hand, they will condemn the other
party. There is no learning, no blessing, and no hope in the latter. But
reconciliation is probable in the former situation.
5.
We Are Comforted
to Comfort Others With the Comfort We Received
A principle of 2
Corinthians chapter 1 gives us the purpose behind suffering. It’s a truth that
ought to never be rejected as cliché.
Only those who
have trodden a particular road can truly empathise with others who are on the
same road. But to have suffered and surrendered is a spiritual gifting with
universal reach for ministry. We have something to offer someone when we have
reached a place where nobody’s explanation of our situation made any sense at
all, least of all our own. In that liminal space we discovered only God’s
invisible powers mattered.
When ministry
transcends words, and where answers or advice cease to have value, we are able
to ponder the questions. It’s only questions that have any value when there are
no answers; when life has taken us onto a road of mystery.
6.
Don’t Use the
Force of Telling – Learn the Gentleness of Asking
Nobody responds
to telling, and the giving of advice generally falls flat, even in those
seeking advice, because advice rarely hits the same mark for the other person
as it does for us.
Asking people
questions invites them into their response of reflection.
Asking questions
doesn’t offend people and it keeps space free for the Holy Spirit to
communicate what only the Holy Spirit can.
7.
Nurture the
Pastoral Heart and Use It
Hugging people
has become a tricky business nowadays, with issues of abuse and safety rife in
the church.
But offering
people the reciprocation of their intimacy is both kind and generous.
For those we are
safe to love — those generally of the same gender and age — we should nurture
relational blessings. For the opposite gender and for those who are vulnerable
we should be warier, but demonstrations of kindness and generosity in public, especially
when they are initiated by others, are generally safe.
Whatever we do
in ministry we are best to nurture a pastoral heart.
© 2015 Steve
Wickham.
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