“It’s all about
forgiveness.”
The biggest test of our lives is
to forgive. And while most of life we may get to live serendipitously, there
are always parts when we are tested relationally. There will always come a time
when we will be required to forgive. And if we don’t, we lose.
The Nature of Losing
Oh, we don’t like losing. We hate
it. It is humiliating and it exposes us in our deepest weakness. No one likes
being a failure. Yet, we all get a turn.
In forgiveness, we may have the
initial appearance of losing. The reality is if we don’t forgive, only then do we
begin to lose.
Losing is paradoxical, so far as
our lack of forgiveness is concerned. By holding on, we feel like we are
asserting ourselves. The reverse actually occurs. We don’t gain control; we
lose it.
Holding on to emotional material
that prevents us from seeing life objectively is the sure way of losing.
Often the processes of holding on
begin unconsciously. We don’t like what has occurred, but, because we are not
aware of our inner disquiet, we don’t process it. It simmers and then begins to
boil.
Sooner or later the holding on of
unprocessed emotional material boils over the rim. When it begins to affect our
relationships we suddenly become conscious that our lack of forgiveness is
harmful. We become aware we are losing.
The only way to win at life, so
far as relationships are concerned, which includes the relationship we have
with ourselves, is to honour the truth of our hurt by acknowledging what
occurred and by working on forgiving transgressions—others’ and ours (yes,
self-forgiveness is crucial, too).
The Nature of Winning
This is no competitive winning. It
is the essence of a communal win, but one hedged about by our own victory; one facilitated
by the wisdom to take Faith at its word; to put our stubborn selfishness on the
backburner.
The ancients had Faith and they
implore us, down the line, to drink of its wisdom.
When we win with forgiveness we
show the world how to win in the only way winning is sustainably achievable.
This sort of win, to endure much pain at times, in honouring Faith, is an
ever-blooming prize of a freed soul.
***
Forgiveness is a precipice in a
non-negotiable game. The circumstances of life take us to this craggy rock face
most days and we are afforded no real choice when wisdom is known.
There is no benefit in not
forgiving. But, there is eventual benefit in forgiving.
But it always takes courage to
forgive. If we can enlist such courage, underpinned by humility and raw
intestinal fortitude, we will be able to forgive—which is simply one singular choice
after another in a series of choices to issue grace, most of which is
ill-deserved.
But our forgiveness strengthens
us; it strengthens our loved ones; and it weakens the enemy toward the
direction of love. And where the transgressor is no enemy at all, forgiveness
is the ultimate second chance—not to go on transgressing, but it’s a second
chance to get it right.
Besides all the foregoing, our
commitment to forgive, over and over and over again, is our commitment to
survival and personal growth. Why would we not be interested in these things?
***
Making life work is all about
forgiveness. On the surface it seems a ‘doormat’ philosophy. Nothing could
really be further from the truth. It takes courage and wisdom to forgive.
Forgiveness is not for the fainthearted, but anyone may achieve it.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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